A Farewell to Arms - The expansion of a new era.

This is most likely the fourth book for which I've cried. One I can remember distinctly - I'm giving myself an extra two for books I may have forgotten.

Hemingway that rat bastard. I waited 10 years to read this book and it's run over me completely.

I've glimpsed a different theory of life. I live between two worlds in truth - one is where there is a glossy sheen, regulation and simple regret-non-regret. The second world is one not so easily described. There is selfishness, constant evolution, and a denial for and simultaneous acceptance of propoganda: A double edged sword certain people use to fight.

This theory I glimpsed in my 19th year. It is a little invisible pocket, both cozy and alienating. Lonely but crowded. But mostly perfectly lonely.

And so this book, perfectly timed, as intuition dictates, gives me a glimps into the confusion of my second theory of life. And it makes such a simple and wonderous explanation of it.

As of late, I've attempted to seal this pocket because it is not mine, or perhaps I've been ostracized. In any case I had invaded it, assumed it as the perfect fit it was. But now off in the world to shed the untruths that people throw onto me. I am one now caught between two warring modes of life.

And so this book blows open the entire case in point. It reminds me, very pointedly, of the blind and accepting ignorance one must have of death. And then you must just make decisions to live. Survival - this does not entail making a multi vitamine and sun tanning for 15 minutes a day.

But there is no such thing as survival right now. This world, at least the view from where I sit, is so placid and lifeless.
There is no doubt why people are disastisfied with one companion, with one occupation, with the seeming 'slow' pace of progress. There is no challenge to maintain them. This creates a lack of value - easiness is so very destructive.

What really have we got to fight for - what really is the worth of anything? I honestly can't tell you that I know that anything has a 'worth.'
I am happy for peace and this unending tide of calm - but it does suffocate everything.

So. Frederic Henry. Though you seemed lazy and selfish, you have something no one else of our time has yet to have. I'm frightened for you and my own time, jealous, and so very silent about it all.

10 paces wiser, and the experience of so much meaning at one time is disoncerting. That not the right word exactly, but this is no time for semantics.

(I'm not even done the book yet - 10 chapters to go and my skin was crawling)